June 27 2019.. one the happiest day i have with him.. we went to ettang de hollande..one of the nice place that Ive been to here in France.. few days before the meteo said that it would be hottest day ever here in france.. but the good thing happened? The day before.. it changes.. and we are expecting it to be 38 degrees.. and it only got 30 degrees.. i really prayed hard to have a nice weather since he cant handle to much hot as he has heart problem.. its been a nice day with him.. nice talk..

He chose to dumped me and leave me… and choose to live a happy life… he chose to kill me and live on his own.. i dont know… i really dont know…

I felt im like a trash!!!!

The end….

I cant hurt him..

My cousins bf is a private investigator.. she gave me all the informations about him and about his partner.. she even went to see her from afar.. but me? I dont and i wont.. i cant hurt him..

I even begged to my cousin to let me do it my way.. and leave it to me.. and she sighed and said “ill let you do it now on your way.. but as i come back and he didnt fulfill his words to me.. ill step my foot forward.. i just asked him for a year and to be back on what you where before and he said yes and promised..”

I cant hurt him.. i really cant.. id rather die than hurt him..

Haissssttt.. come on.. honey.. please come back.. please..

Why does some men are easy to make girl fell for them and so easily wants to say goodbye after?

They let us fall to them and yet want us to forget them so easy..

Why me? As if i dont have a heart.. he let me fall and after few months.. no sweetness and he wants to leave me as if im a trash?.. what did i do?..

Am i not worth to stay?.. to think all i do is to care for him and gave everything that i can..

He made me believe in FATE.. he made me believe in HAPPINESS.. he made me believe that he will stay.. he made me as what i am now..

Ive been with him through his downfall and tried to lift him up in every way.. but i didnt know that as i lifted him up.. he is the one who will put me down…

Just why? 😭😭😭 all i wanted is to start like what we where that what you had promised.. i hold on to your promised.. have you just fooled me? You have just used me? You have just told me that to remove it?..

I tried to be happy but how can i be happy if you turned to ice?.. 😢😢😢

We watched a movie but you just enjoyed the movie but not the fact that you are with me.. i felt that..

In a day.. even u send me a msg its cold.. like have a nice day.. have a good evening.. goodnight.. 😢😢😢

Please come back honey.. please.. im dying already.. as in..

Nobody knows that i already booked a flight going back home in October 29.. its the same day I talked to him the first time… i guess i need to do that.. to leave.. as i dont find any reason to stay as he doesnt like me anymore…

Just why…..

Why should i met him???!!!! If he’s just making me feel this way… i know.. even if he didnt say it.. i know.. im not stupid.. where is the promise of “WE’LL START OVER ON WHAT WE HAVE LEFT?” “WE’LL ADD ONS ON WHAT WE HAD BEFORE” 😭😭😭 IM HURTING.. AS IN I AM…

Im giving him space that he needs as I know he is busy at work.. but its getting worst everyday.. this pain is killing me..

I know… i know… he has a family… he make me believe on something that is not bound to happen… Id rather die really.. die along with those broken promises and words.. ill just follow my child.. as i trade him over those words…

Dont miss him??? Im trying not too.. im killing myself with loaded work.. but I cant.. i made a promise… the same day that i met him.. November 9.. Ill let him go… but please not now… not now… come back to me.. the same old one… please… please.. please…

This is a total nightmare.. 911pm Im still here infront of eiffel tower.. seeing those lights.. hearing the laughters and cheerings of other people… why cant i be like them???..

This february.. I lost a child.. or I make him lost… and till now its hunting me and make me think about it for few weeks now… as D changes or maybe because of hard days at work… and this morning.. had a worst news ever.. the cancer cells got into the brain and would have 36 weeks to live!!!!! I cant loose my aunt.. i really really cant…!!

Maybe some people wont understand.. so let me say it..

My mom left us when i was 3.. and my dad when i was 9.. we were with our grandparents and my aunt who is sick right now.. i grew up with her.. she is 8 yrs older than me.. shes like my mom.. my sister.. my bestfriend.. my lawyer role into one.. she knows everything about me (just a bit not now).. we are so closed.. she is closer to me than her siblings.. she just went to paris when i was in 20 or 21.. and yet we are still close.. she knows all my pain and everything.. we had a lot of happy moments in our younger days.. we experience earthquake in the cinema house that we had to run so fast.. the moment that i was left behind when they are already inside the bus and what i did was i jump just to get in and i was hanged outside the door of the bus while it is running and she is screaming to death.. another one is when we went to manila even my grandmother doesnt want to and just to go SM mall.. we didnt know that it is close during holy thursday.. and we went to 6 SM supermalls lool and its all closed.. we experienced christmas eve inside the bus as we went to manila and stucked up in the traffic.. and a lot more..

Haissssttt… we have a lot of happy days together.. and now… i cant imagine that ill loose her.. i think Ill follow her..

Haissstt…i dont have sleep literally.. as in.. i dont have appetite to eat.. and im like a walking dead… good thing.. i asked Him to meet up even just for a hug… i badly needed that…i felt a little bit rested and felt a glimpes of happiness… i wanted to sleep while im inside his arms.. i felt at peace…

I cant bear another problem anymore.. im soooo tired.. im tired to cry.. im tired to be strong.. i need D now…

Yeahhh.. i missed the way we talk before.. the times we had a good talk.. a walk..

Im not greedy… i just felt i missed you as simple as that.. and i really cant control my sadness.. i worked day and night.. weekends for me not to think so much..

Honey.. please come back to the old you.. i miss you… 😢😢